A Letter to My Children: On Living Boldly, Failure, and Unconditional Love
Introductory Note: I stumbled across this recently—a letter I initially penned for my two boys back in 2012, tucked away in an old journal. Looking back on it now, the message, the raw authenticity, and the truths within it still ring entirely true. To my babies, then and now...
To my babies,
If you should someday (many years from now) find and scour through the massive amount of your mother’s various journals and sketchpads—all of which contain a vast, colorful array of my rants, ramblings, trials, hopes, dreams, concerns, worries, lists, occasional song lyrics, poorly drawn sketches, random poems and haikus, sporadic one-liners, and half-written to somewhat completed screenplays (more often than not, a plot synopsis in hurried handwriting just to get it all down without forgetting a detail)—well, these same journals also contain my thoughts, wishes, and my dreams for your future.
Upon reading them, I hope that you will be able to perhaps gain some insight into who your mommy is—not just as your mother, but the entirety of me. I would like to consider myself kind, intelligent, ambitious, curious, loving, and strong-willed. With that being said, I must also admit that I am often overly aggressive in my pursuits, stubborn, selfish, work-obsessed, aloof, and a definite worrywart. My hope is that as time goes on, you will learn only to imitate my better, more impressive qualities, as I am ever working to improve the not-too-great ones.
Lately, I've become aware of my attempt to remain quite oblivious to the fact that one day, my baby boys will be grown men. I wish so much for you both, which leads to my continuous effort to inspire each of you to follow your dreams and to live your lives boldly. Never settle for less. What would be the point of life if only to lay down and accept mediocrity?
Success in the attainment of your desires will not come without struggle—and at times, a lot of it. If you keep going, you'll eventually experience failure too. Sounds awful, right? Well, this is precisely why such a small percentage of the population truly succeeds. Most give up. You absolutely cannot. Sure, it's normal to feel discouraged, angry, or let down after life has thrown you a few punches or even knocked you out for a moment, but don't you ever throw in the towel.
Whatever you wish consistently and greatly for, whatever you wake up thinking about or can't stop daydreaming about—follow it. If it is in your heart, then by all means, you must go for it. I'd like to assume that your dreams will include goodwill towards others and making a positive impact of some sort, as ill intentions and greed will only bring you sorrow and pain.
Do not ever allow anyone to tell you that your dream is not possible, or that you are unable to achieve something which you desire. People often do this, unfortunately, and for a few different reasons:
They have never done it (or anything similar) themselves, and/or they don't know of anyone who has.
They do not want you to succeed for fear of losing your company, or of course, the obvious one: their own sad, pathetic spite and jealousy, which stems from their own fear and inadequacies.
They do not believe in themselves, so how could they possibly believe in anyone else?
You will inevitably win. You will achieve everything that your heart and mind desire if you never give up. (Most Important Rule).
Also, find God. Find Jesus. Find Buddha. Find faith in something. Find your own spirit. Do and follow what makes you feel complete, in tune, and alive. Always expect things to go your way, and for the most part, they will. You don't always get what you want, but you will always get what you expect, for better or worse.
Fall in love, but only invest your heart for true love. I don't care if it's a woman, a man, white, black, brown, yellow, purple, or blue. Love is love, and that's all there is to it. Follow your heart in all matters of the heart, but be sure you balance your actions with sound mental judgment as well. If you love someone and they do not treat you with the same care, or if they disrespect you in any manner—as hard as it may seem, move on quickly!
An inevitable fact of life: there will be someone (at least once) who will break your heart. This is part of life; we all experience it. It is said that when someone leaves your life, it is only in order to make the room that is necessary for someone else to arrive. A broken heart is painful. You may feel like you'll never move on, that you'll always feel the sadness of it, and while sometimes it takes a long time, eventually, one day you'll wake up and realize that the ache in your heart is not as sharp as it once was. Slowly but surely, the ache fades away and you reach a point where you have completely healed.
Don't ever search for love. Just be yourself, follow your own path, and one day, when you least expect it, you will find the right one there beside you and things will never be the same again. Remain patient and have faith in that. Becoming cynical and bitter is the surest way to remain lonely. Guard your heart to a certain degree, but never close it off to others.
Help others. I am still surprised by the lack of goodwill in so many people. A starving homeless man will finally be handed a meal or a single dollar, but only after hundreds or even thousands of empty-handed passersby. People often remain so self-absorbed that they do not consider helping others; their own problems consume and overwhelm them to a point of selfishness and ignorance.
If you can offer a hand, lend an ear, or spare a dollar—anything to someone in need—always do it. Sometimes people just need a smile, so smile! Smile at everyone and anyone you encounter throughout your day. You never know what the clerk at the grocery store is dealing with at home; a few kind words will often make a much bigger difference than you’ll ever know. This simple act of kindness may not seem like much, but its power is far greater than you'll ever know.
Have goals. Stay focused, persevering, and work smart and hard to achieve them. You are meant to do something exceptional with your life. Make your mark on the world—why leave it just the way you found it? We are all unique individuals with a gift to share: a mark to make, a soul purpose.
Have children. Do your best to ensure that you are ready for this undertaking, and have a child (or children). Do not miss out on the honor of being a parent. Whether biological or adopted, you will soon learn that children are the most precious gift and that being a parent is a reward so incredible, words cannot honor it. The bond between parent and child is literally indescribable—the emotion, instinct, and love are beyond anything imaginable.
Avoid anything considered toxic or damaging to your health. Avoid alcohol, be aware of the food you consume, refrain from drugs, stay active, and stay strong. Your body is your temple; honor it as such.
My hand is hurting now. ;)
I love you, Benjamin. I love you, Christian.
You both are the entirety of my world, and I am so proud of the darling boys you are now and the charming gentlemen I'm certain you will be in the future.
Always,
Your Mommy